I need you to know that I've been writing blog entries. I just haven't been finishing them. Because, as it turns out, there are only 24 hours in each day, and I have been diagnosed with ADHD, so I flit from beginning to beginning, rarely seeing a project though to the end, unless there's an actual deadline and/or people are depending on me. I am constantly surrounded by projects that are in various states of "done," but I can't seem to find the time/energy/inspiration to complete them.
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| No, don't look. It's terribly embarrassing. |
I have a very understanding partner.
All of this has gotten so much worse since I had the hysterectomy, three years ago, which slammed me into menopause. Usually, it's a much more gradual transition. I guess, if it happened all at once, then maybe I wouldn't have finished that either. Ha.
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That's me, on the far right. (The only time you'll ever find me there.) |
So my goal is to write this and post it. It may not be anything profound or insightful, but at this point, I just need to finish SOMETHING.
Life changes, and the universe continues. I find it comforting to remember that the universe doesn't care about my issues. The only meaning to anything is that which I attribute to it. That gives me a lot of leeway, because I can't fuck up the world too terribly much, given the grand scheme of the billions of years and infinite space that exist without me.
Menopause isn't the only transition I'm dealing with, of course. I've been hit upside the head with a couple of really major life transitions in just the last three months. I won't go into them now. I just don't feel like it. I'm not ignoring them. I couldn't, even if I wanted to, and I don't want to. I'm accepting and trying to learn how to adapt and move on, holding on to what I've learned about myself, being open to learning more, and letting go of that which no longer serves me.
Growth can't happen if you become too comfortable. Growth has a way of ambushing you.
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| I have kept this quote in my back pocket for decades. I just have to be reminded to look at it from time to time. |
I do not like this phase of growth and change. It hurts. I want to retreat from everything. But goddamn it, I will learn to roll with these punches.
